I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
