Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
