he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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