some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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