this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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