i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
