So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
