Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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