i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
