This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.