is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way