They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.