woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
