The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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