Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
