You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize