I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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