I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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