wakey wakey hands off snakey
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
