life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
