Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
