She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
