When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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