Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
