a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
