I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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