Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
