I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
