Can i not drive my cunt home
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
