You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
