The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
