So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
