Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
