I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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