Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
