You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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