I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
