Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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