Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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