If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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