what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
