just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How external is "for external use only"?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
