I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
