Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
