Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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