if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
