i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they need to just BURY HIM!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
