watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
