After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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