I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
