Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
