I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
