I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
