I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
