Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
