I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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