Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
