My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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