my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
