How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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