You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
