he referred to my room as the tit cave...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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