did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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