im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
